9 Rules for Being the Perfect Partner to a Pregnant Woman

By on May 27, 2015


http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a40893/how-to-be-the-perfect-partner-to-a-pregnant-woman/I’m a woman and my primary relationship is with a woman, so I have insight into what we think and feel from both angles. I’m also someone who gave birth to my son but rooted for my daughter’s arrival from the other side of the table, so here’s some advice I am uniquely equipped to offer. This list is directed mostly at men, but these illuminating tips are really for the benefit of women.

1. Upon initially learning of the pregnancy never, ever shout: “My boys can swim!”Please don’t quote any version of George Costanza’s greatest line. He said it because his character is an oblivious narcissist, but you’re not written that way. Saying this makes the entire experience of creating life about what you’ve contributed. I’m sure it was very difficult for you to have sex (your second favorite thing) without protection (your first favorite thing), but, for now, your work is done. For her, suddenly she needs to locate a guest room inside her body for a human person to grow. That baby will steal her nutrients, her energy, and her soul. You’re pissed if your wife sneaks a fry off your plate. So, give her some credit. Fumble out some congratulatory words celebrating her and what the two of you made together.

2. Morning sickness isn’t just confined to the mornings. Be nice 24/7.Morning sickness isn’t like the aftermath of some all-night tequila rager where you throw up, wipe your face, and get back to the fiesta. It really should be called: 24-hour-full-blown-billious-nausea-that-isn’t-ever-alleviated-by-vomiting-and-can-last-for-months sickness. I get that her complaining is tedious and annoying, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it so why doesn’t she ever just shut up about it already? It’s because we want a hero award for endurance and stamina with extra points given for dainty vomiting. So, please, find her a lollipop and some compassion.

3. During pregnancy, women’s senses are heightened so you have to be extra sensitive too.We’re so pleased you washed your hands, but we’re sickened by your soap’s overpowering forest scent. To us, it smells like you felt up a pinecone. Everything tastes so much better than it ever has before. We avoid telling you the story of the way we ate a vanilla cupcake, pressing it to our mouth in its entirety like it was a plane’s life-saving oxygen mask. And, did Satan himself come up with the idea to finally give your baby’s mother the giant breasts of your dreams but then make them so tender that even your gentlest touch annoys her? cosmopolitan.com

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